Indiana Chronicle’s Disinformation

Indianapolis, Ind. — As everyone is well aware of by now, the Indianapolis smoking ban goes into effect on March 1, 2006 for most restaurants and public places. Most bars and establishments that only serve those 18 and older are exempt from the ban.

But what most people aren’t aware of is that bingo halls are exempt as well.

City-County Council member Steve Tally (D) said, “After a few closed door discussions, it was clear that the exemption for bingo halls was vital to both the bingo halls and the proposal.”

“First, (the exemption) was vital to bingo halls because 75% of all bingo players are chain smokers. The bingo halls would take an enormous financial hit with the smokers sitting out numerous games to take smoke breaks.”

Tally concluded, “Secondly, a few City-County Council members are either avid bingo players or have family members who are. Without their votes the ban would never have passed.”

So while you can’t light up in most public places in Indianapolis after this evening, keep the bingo halls in mind if the bar scene isn’t your thing.

Bloomington, Ind. — Rumors are flying that Mike Davis is headed to the Texas Tech bench following the 2005-06 NCAA basketball season.

An unnamed source quoted Davis as saying, “Things just haven’t been working out for the past few seasons. We get so close and wind up getting nowhere. After last year’s early NIT exit it was clear that this season would be held under the microscope. With our struggles towards the end of the season it was clear that I should move along sooner rather than later.”

But that’s not the big news.

The unnamed source said Davis went on to confide, “Coach Knight & I recently talked on the phone and he threw around the idea of me rejoining him on the bench of Texas Tech and in a recruiting role. Since we have both had lackluster seasons recently, that made perfect sense to me.”

Davis and Knight have both denied the rumors.

Indianapolis, Ind. — In a surprise move the Senate Tax and Fiscal Policy Committee voted 8 to 2 in support for House Bill 1099, which legalizes many fireworks in Indiana that purchasers currently agree to ship outside of Indiana within five days of purchase.

Following the committee vote, State Sen. Joe Smith, D-Elwood, said, “Everyone knows that the current law is rarely enforced. And what sense does it make to say the fireworks must be taken out of state when they’re illegal in every surrounding state? And come on, how many people have a stash of ‘out of state’ fireworks in their garage?”

Smith went on to reveal the real motivator behind last years vote for the majority of Indiana to observe Daylight Saving Time (DST) starting in 2006.

“By observing (Daylight Saving Time) there is an extra hour of darkness, which is an extra hour that’s available for nice firework displays. We knew this was on the 2006 agenda and that’s why we voted for the move to DST.”

State Rep. Vicki May, R-Popcorn, was quick to interject, “Mr. Smith is an idiot. Observing Daylight Saving Time in theory gives us one extra hour of daylight. Instead of enjoying the usual display of aerial arts as a family this year, many families will be tucking their children into bed.”

The next stop for the bill is the full Senate for debate and vote.